Beckham So Excited About Move To LA, He Stops To Take a Dump

The soccer world is abuzz, all a titter, bouncing about like babies on speed. David Beckham, he of the spectacular corner kicks and not so spectacular perfume is coming to America. And not just so he can discuss the relative merits of Tom and Katie's new Thetan receptacle. He's coming to play sawker.

Beckham announced today he would be joining MLS franchise LA Galaxy in August when his current contract with Spain's Real Madrid runs out. The deal is reportedly worth $250 million. Rumour has it the Posh has long wanted a move to the USA even going so far as to hire a real estate agent to find the royal couple of white trash a suitably garish mansion. One that has real, tiger skin wallpaper and plaster-of-Paris busts of Greek gods that double as candleholders.

As a Toronto FC season ticket holder, it looks as though I may get to see Beckham play sometime in the late summer when the galaxy are due to visit Toronto for a game at BMO field. Although I may be able to sell my ticket for loads of cash and buy myself an army of Nintendo Wii's which I will play against one the other in a Darwinian experiment in which I hope to breed a Super Nintendo Wii that I can use for world domination.

Is this good business for the Galaxy and MLS? Is it good business for Beckham? Well Beckham will do all right. I'm sure he'll find something he can spend his millions on. And that $250 million doesn't include all the money he'd due to receive now that Real Madrid will no longer be entitled to 50% of his image rights. But the move will without a doubt put the final fancy nail in the fashionably designed coffin that holds any last lingering hope of Beckham getting a recall to the English team.

The LA Galaxy is one of the more successful teams in the MLS. They're backed by big money and regularly sell out their home ground, the unfortunately named Home Depot Center. And Beckham's arrival is sure to increase interest in a sport that doesn't really register for most North Americans. Toronto FC reported today that news of Beckham's arrival has caused at least 200 more people to purchase season tickets this morning. And Beckham is still only 32 and considering the level of skill in the MLS (somewhere between English division one – their third tier league – and mid table Premiership, depending on who you're talking to) he could be an impact player for a number of years.

It could be a boon for US soccer as well. Most Americans have heard of Beckham even if they'ved never seen him kick a ball. The media frenzy should last for a few games, at least. That may well be worth $250 million in publicity.

Not that you asked but I believe that in the long run the league needs to develop more young talent that will attract the attention of European clubs. The MLS doesn't want to become what the old NASL became and then went bankrupt: a retirement league for the stars of yester year. (That's what we have Bolton Wanderers for) If the MLS can help develop more players along the lines of Clinton Dempsey, a young American player who recently transferred to Fulham, and augment their teams with a few aging stars like Beckham and the recently retired French international Youri Djorkaeff, then the league may finally break free of its reputation as Mickey Mouse league …what's that? You say Disney wants to sponsor the MLS… ah bugger.